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What I Fear Most Is Being Alone
I hide it well, but there’s only so long I can mask the cracks in the veneer.
I don’t think you ever realize how much you fear being alone until life puts you in the circumstance that you are alone unexpectedly.
Case in point: last week, one of my good friends called me up at work, and she was crying on the phone as she told me she needed to go to the ER but someone needed to stay with her dog. Given that this friend has no family in the area, I was choice number one for this “mission.” While thanking me profusely, she said she was hoping to be home before midnight the same night — but, of course, that didn’t happen.
Before you judge me too harshly, you should know that I’ve never been “on my own” before. I’ve always lived with family, though I’ve switched households and have had to get accustomed to new routines and locations. I’m not a fan of change. Even throughout elementary school and high school I never stayed overnight anywhere because I’d experience such anxiety that I would make myself sick to my stomach. All the coming-of-age things my peers experienced at sleepovers and school trips? I missed out on all that thanks to my crippling panic with new surroundings and separation from my family.
