Member-only story
The Great Pretender
Did we ever have a chance at all?
It’s another string of days where James goes MIA, lost in his own little world that I can’t hope to touch when he gets like this. No texts, no calls, not even a DM on Instagram. I scroll through my phone and wonder fleetingly if I should call his mom. But then I decide against it because I don’t want him to resent me for getting her involved.
I tell myself this is the price of loving him. I tell myself that I would rather receive what he gives me than have nothing at all. I tell myself I can live a life like this, constantly on the alert that something will make him trip off some unseen edge.
I tell myself so many lies, don’t I?
I end up texting his roommate Martin, but there’s no answer.
When James finally does text me back on the fourth day, it’s just a noncommittal thing: i’m fine. call off the calvary.
I almost throw my phone against the wall even though I just checked it at work.
My coworker Katy casts me a worried look as I hurriedly get through my last customer of the day. The man’s just buying a dozen roses — lucky girl, there — so it’s an easy transaction to finish off my shift at the flower shop. I hang up my apron, ready to go clock out, until Katy calls me back.
