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The First Isn’t Always the Last
Whirlwind first loves are probably not the endgame.
It’s another year that I haven’t fallen in love. There are infatuations, sure, but they fade with time and distance. A crush remains a crush in my case. The most I ever do is look from afar — and my childhood’s fascination with love at first sight is just something to cause embarrassment in the present day.
But I’ve seen other people fall in love this year. It can be a phrase or a glance or just a conversation that causes blushing cheeks and a smile that’s a bit too wide. And then there’s the giddiness when they talk about that special person. I nod and smile and wonder, “Will I ever look like that — or feel that deep?”
I’m quickly becoming an outsider. My friends are on their first serious partners, and sometimes I feel a little left out. What does “coupledom” mean for them? Is it the sharing of activities or space or just attraction and feelings? Or a combination of everything and a little bit more?
I don’t ask them because I don’t want to pry into business that isn’t mine to know.
But I’m also embarrassed because I still have dreams about high school and the boys who might have been first loves if things had turned out differently.
