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On Nights Like These, I Become My Greatest Enemy
These are just musings from a restless mind.
Lately I’ve found myself spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about the future. This might seem normal on the outside — who doesn’t dwell on what may come? — but it’s gotten to the point that sometimes I just lie in bed, craving sleep even as my mind runs in circles around existentialism and the mirage of financial freedom.
I’m actually here to dwell on that latter thought: the last few years have led to my near-obsession wondering where my next dollar will come from. It’s an exhausting path to tread again and again, but money seems to be hammered into my brain every other hour of the day. My family especially fixates on money to the point that I believe dollar signs may be branded on the insides of their skulls.
As someone who grew up with a father mired in debt, you can say I have an unhealthy relationship with trying to make sure I never again know the helplessness of overwhelming money problems. I don’t always succeed — material things are far, far too shiny — but I try to live within my means as much as possible.
In high school — thirteen years ago now — I honestly thought I would one day have the kind of life where money was a backburner issue rather than a problem at the forefront. By the time a…
