On My Mind

A Poem

Photo by Tron Le on Unsplash

the dress is still sitting
in the back of my closet,
and I can barely look at it
because it holds the memories
of you — us — before the stars burst
and left us with only ashes

maybe I should have tried harder
to understand what it meant
to be a man in a world of pressure —
but did you ever once understand
what it was like to be a woman
waiting on the cues of a man?

we followed all the rules —
the modern dance of courtship,
the diamond ring for engagement,
the long list of party invitations —
but it never was enough, not at all,
since we were just playing our parts

“are you happy?” you asked —
and I gave you my champagne smile
even as my heart skittered like a rabbit
because it was no easy answer — yes —
when I felt like we were on a stage
with our every word scrutinized at length