Oh, We’re Lost in Some Kind of Cosmos

I wanted you beyond the sky and sea.

Photo by Marcelo Matarazzo on Unsplash

I begin the letter that I’ll send to the outer edges of the galaxy this way.

Dear Janus,

I hope you’re doing well. I know you’re in the Guarda military now, but does that mean you have to go without speaking to me for so long? Your disregard hurts. I’ve been waiting on your letters, and one has yet to arrive. Have you forgotten me?

Wait. Don’t tell me. Perhaps I don’t want to know.

Perhaps all I want to do is remember that one summer when we had everything — when there was nothing but us and the whole of the stars in front of us. I still remember how your hand slipped across my skin, caressing me, until all I could see were soft explosions behind my eyelids. I thought we had everything — but we didn’t, did we? I thought you were everything in the hush of a moment.

I’m here to tell you that I’m getting married. Lord Auxley from House Roma wants me as his bride. I suppose this was my one last goodbye. I thought I could have you — if you wanted me at all still — but Father says I must do this for the preservation of the Arcane blood running through my veins.

I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you. But I waited and waited and waited — all for naught, it seems. I thought you’d…