I’m glad you’re reassessing your goals and being honest with yourself about what you hope to achieve - but honestly, Benny, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s not so black and white as writing for joy versus writing for money. I believe you can - and have done! - both already. It’s just a matter of finding those things that spark your readership and yourself at the same time. All that to say - I hope to see you go along on your journey and succeed.