I Was So Scared (and So I Just Left)

CNF Piece

Photo by Tianyi Ma on Unsplash

A long time ago — back in the prehistoric age of the internet, it feels like, before AI and the like — I was the type to use chat rooms and message boards/forums to express myself. I was a kid who went to a school that felt alien to me, and social circles weren’t really my thing.

I was fourteen when I joined one forum catering to anime fans. It was a thrill to find people who actually liked things I liked without me having to steer the conversation any which way. Pick a topic on the message board, jot away words on the screen, and post. Easy, right?

In such situations, it was easy enough to take a gleam to certain posters on the site. I had my favorites — people I liked conversing with — but we were all hidden behind the anonymity of the internet with anime avatars we had chosen.

That was how I started meeting the friends I would know for a short period of time that was nonetheless detrimental to my relationship with the internet going forward.

But I’m not here to talk about all of them — well, not now, anyway. Let’s get back on track.

There was one person I took a shine to in particular. I’d come to know him as Alex.

Alex was special. Even back then, I liked the attention he paid me. It was easy to pretend to be…