I understand where you're coming from. Even though I'm not someone who makes my living as a writer, I actually feel a bit guilty when I pull time away from my family for my writing. I think I would feel doubly so if I felt my entire income was based on my output of writing (thus why I'll probably never live that freelance life). I'm sorry your bonus came with complications, but hopefully you will be able to find a way to work more balance into the situation. Wishing the best for you!