I Don’t Believe in Happy Endings
A Poem
the truth stands
as i wait as judge and jury
in front of a scheme of little renown —
oh, it’s a brittle pill to take in doses —
but i know it well as if i’m clothed in its form
my eyes could close
and i could weep tears of diamonds —
but it would never be enough for you
the blue pill on my tongue melts,
and it is sugar sweet — biting —
as it dissolves
until i know only a solemn oath
that i am myself and mine alone
my heart could stop beating
and you never would have cared —
and that’s perfectly fine indeed, i think
i walked in front of graves,
enough to number a lifetime,
as my life bled in black and white
until all i could think about was you
in the dark, in the spotlight, in the doorway
and no one will ever know
how i held my words back each day
and how the trauma ate me up, a spider’s web
