High Tea in Shanghai

A Story of Remorse

I sold my love down the river, and I’m starting to regret it. I don’t know how to help her since I gave my word, my oath, to the cause. I can’t back down now.

But she makes me shiver when she laughs. Every time I see her, it’s as if something inside me awakens, trying to stir back alive, but I’m trying so hard to stay asleep.

She told me I was a good actor, and I’ll give her that. I don’t know how she found out who I was, but it’s a wonder she even tolerates me at all since she knows I’m scheming to see her gone away from this place. As soon as this is over, I’m going back home. I’ll forget her as easily as if she never breathed in the first place.

But, God, her face is like starlight. I don’t normally like thick girls, but something about her does things to me. My dreams are populated with her face. I want a lifetime together, but I don’t know how to achieve that. And what can I do when she’s going to find out about all the lies I’ve told? It’s madness to think she would forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive me.

I’m paranoid by the thought of her. I’m enraptured by her.

It’s not gentlemanly to say, but I’d like to hold her down and make love to her. Fucking is a word for animals. No, what I want to do to her transcends reason and time and sense. Even…