Member-only story
Did You Know I Still Miss You?
I’m tired of looking back.
I almost reached out.
Almost.
It was going to be the kind of message that might have made you smile once upon a time. The new year’s here, and I haven’t said a word to you about it. We’re no longer on those terms. Friends — the word seems too far away to describe what we’ve become.
I try not to worry about it. I move on with my life. When I’m sad, I pet my cats and tell myself I’m fine with being alone as long as I’m satisfied with the life I’m living.
But it’s hard. I thought it was you, for so long, as if you were a brand new chapter in a book I was concocting in my brain. You were the words I wanted to uncover, the plot I wanted to unravel, the story I wanted to greet.
But that wasn’t in your plans. You kept me at arm’s length the whole time even when we exchanged words we would probably never have shared with anyone else. You gave me your time in broken fragments, and I didn’t care that I sometimes cut myself on the edges. I treated you as a friend because that was the comfortable thing about it all. Friend — it had a nice shape and sound, and it was perfect for what you meant to me.
Somewhere along the way, I thought friend might deepen over time. I didn’t have a desire to kiss you or hold…
