Awake in the Dark

A Poem

Photo by Daniele Franchi on Unsplash

i tell myself i’m wide awake
in the darkness of these senses —
but really i’m lying to myself
to try and depart pain

(so much pain, i can’t give the name to anymore)

i wanted a saving grace,
a filament of meaning,
even as time told me time and again
that i was a cursed person

above and beyond all meaning

i wanted nothing more
than a saving grace

(i wanted nothing more
than a saving grace)

patience had no film for me,
and time had no spy for me,
and there was nothing but
this, this, this, this unknown

(the unknown quantity
of an unending meaning)

and i’m caught up,
i’m caught up,
i’m caught up in the dark

and i’m caught up,
i’m caught up,
i’m caught up in the dark

(shadows moving,
converging,
ready to eat me up)

and i’m caught up,
i’m caught up,
i’m caught up in the dark

there is no happy ending —
not for someone like me

there is no happy ending —
not for someone like me