A Study in Melancholia

A Poem

Photo by Emad Kolahi on Unsplash

there’s no one to blame but me —
say it again, say it again, say it again —
and there’s no one to harm but me —
say it again, say it again, say it again

i thought there was some magical door
that would spirit me away from the here and now —
but that didn’t happen, it fell away,
and so my despair grew inch by inch

sadness became my second skin,
and i watched as everyone became
happier
in their alternate realities

but where was mine?

there’s no one i can harm any more
than the harm i’ve done to myself
every day i eclipse from the moon
and stand at attention, listless

i thought this purgatory would end —
someday, someday, someday soon —
but so far all i feel is some sense that all i am
is someone who’s an unreliable narrator in her own life

i tried to be the best version of myself
in some second glimpse of a happy ending —
but no one came for me, no one saw…