A History of Being Left Behind

A Poem

Photo by Zichuan Han from Pexels

watching every milestone from afar,

wishing for a redo on every little mishap,

wanting the taken-for-granted things —

I wonder why I’m standing still in the dark.

seeing others’ achievements in gray light,

switching the variables to weed out mistakes,

swan-diving into self-pity mode at every corner —

I sit and seek some calm in my own quaking soul.

trying to be the winner each and every time,

taking baby steps instead of grand leaps,

tithing time for words that will die with me —

I tally up the people making strides far ahead.

feeling that I’m falling farther and farther back,

facing the reality of being a no one forever,

faking that smile for the hundredth time —

I finish the mile but not the grander race.

hating the people who shattered my heart,

hissing at the pain still present years later,

heaping all these worries into a locked box —

I have a history of being left behind.